Adjustments in Marriage

Marriage is one of the biggest events that you may experience in your life. With such a big event, comes a lot of possible changes and necessary adjustments. Marriage life is completely different to the lives that those who are unmarried experience. It can be difficult and take a lot of  patience and compromise with your spouse. 

One of the biggest adjustments a couple may need to make is finances. Each partner may have different ways of saving, spending, and overall budgeting. Not only do new couples need to find a compromise between them in these things, but there is also the possibility of high expenses. New couples need to worry about buying a home or apartment, furniture, a car, groceries, and many other expenses. Not only do they need to figure out the future finances and expenses, but the process of marriage is expensive. The ceremony, marriage license, and reception can cost an exceptional amount of money. How the couple handles this is completely up to them. 

Living together is another significant adjustment that couples will need to make. Most often, a married couple moving in together have not experienced home life with another person. Before, they would have experienced life with their families. Often, understanding one another takes time, even after a period of dating. Each person may have different habits, mannerisms, actions, and beliefs that can contradict those of their significant other. 

After the marriage, the next big event is often childbirth for a couple. Studies have found that after childbirth, the amount of joy in a marriage can go significantly go down. It is theorized that this is because the natural bond between the mother and child creates an environment where the father may feel left out, unincluded, and unrecognized. The best way to avoid this is the allow equal participation in raising the child. This not only increases the bond between the baby and the father, but also between partners. Equal participation can take many forms; allow both parents to watch o
ver the child, feed them, dress them, change them, bathe them, cuddle them, and play with them. Each parent does not need to spend time with just the child either. Both parents can do these things together, and take care of the child at the same time. 

In families with children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), the adjustments needed after the child's diagnosis are significant. The couple will need to find therapies for their child, pay for the therapy, find strategies to help their child, find ways for the child to better communicate, and deal with high levels of stress and worry for their child. When my younger sister was diagnosed with Autism, there were all of these changes and more in our family. I remember that ABA (applied behavior analysis) therapists would be in our home, evaluating Ruby and her interactions with us as well as the things around her. This experience was very stressful on our family, and we later decided to drop it, as we felt another way would be better for us, and for Ruby. There will be many instances like this in a family when they begin to explore how to best help their child. It takes time, money, and patience through the process of helping the child with Autism. 

In this stage, communication is key. Be open with your spouse, and make sure that they feel that they can be open with you as well. This communication can help you as a newlywed couple avoid harmful arguments or contention in the marriage. The significant event that an ASD diagnoses can pose takes a strong relationship and desire on both sides to keep going, and to not give up.