Solving Familial Problems

 

      Last week, I focused on the topic of stressors in the life of a family. As I explained, there are many different changes and experiences that can cause stress and contention in the family. Dealing with and overcoming stress is a completely different process than solving the problem. One is dealing with the problem while experiencing it, but the other is getting rid of the problem entirely. Either process can be very difficult, and can put a lot of strain on the family. 

              Overall, it can be agreed that one of the key steps to solving problems in the family is communication. Communication between the parents, the parents and the kids, the kids amongst each other, and even possible communication with people outside of the family. Communication allows for more access to support and less possibility for confusion, unhappiness, or contention in the family. When a family is going through a difficult time, it is important to establish strong communication with the members of the family so that they can each input their perspective and help each other through the difficult time.

            However, it is important to remember the healthy boundaries that need to be established in the family. I covered them in one of my past posts, but I’ll give a quick reminder. The three types of boundaries are rigid, poor, and clear. Rigid boundaries simplified means no to very little communication between parties, poor boundaries have parties that are too open with one another, and clear boundaries are the middle ground between them where communication is welcomed but not overly shared. If the family has poor boundaries and overshares with each other, specifically the parents oversharing with the children, there can be confusion of responsibilities and stress put onto parties that are not responsible for certain problems.

            One way to overcome this possibility is for parents to communicate with each other privately before speaking with the children of the family. This can make it so certain problems are not presented to the children and the problem can still be solved. Initial communication between parents ensures that two unique and mature perspectives are presented first, and a proper solution to the problem can be reached without bringing unnecessary stress to the children of the family.

            Something that many people and families feel is vital to the solution of problems is compromise. However, there is something that is much better! Collaboration! Oftentimes, compromise is a solution that is in the middle of two preferences of different people or parties. However, because of this, both people can leave the solution feeling unhappy as well as cheated. Collaboration is different in the aspect than compromise in the idea that both sides reach a happy and satisfying conclusion. Often, collaboration takes a little bit more time, and the process of looking for solutions outside of what the two parties are focusing on. For example, if one spouse wants to move to California, and the other wants to move to New York, neither side would be happy with moving to Kansas (which is in the middle of New York and California), which would be a compromise. However, if the spouses discuss a little bit more, they may find that they are both happy with moving to Florida (collaboration).

            Overall, it is clear that consistent, open communication and collaboration is vital in the process of overcoming problems in the family. It is important for the family to communicate with one another to ensure that the family members all are happy and satisfied with outcomes and solutions of the problems that they face. When the family faces problems together, their bonds with one another with become stronger, and they will be able to face even more difficult problems together.