Divorce and Remarriage

            Divorce is being a more and more common and accepted practice. However, the process and event of divorce can cause a lot of strain and stress on the family, and parents can often question, ‘is this really what is best for me and my family?’. Getting divorced is a decision that should not be taken lightly. It is important to understand the affects and reasons behind divorce in order to properly make those decisions.

            One of the biggest differences in divorce today is that it is a lot less public and consequently embarrassing. If you wanted to divorce your spouse, you would have to go in front of a court and explain to them why you are trying for divorce. The reasons given fell under the 4 A’s: Abandonment, Addiction, Abuse, Adultery. Without one of these things, approval of the divorce usually was not granted. Today, couples may get divorces for many different reasons, they do not typically need to appear in front of court, and it is generally less expensive. Divorce is a decision that is much more supported in recent times than it was before.

            The question whether divorce is good or bad is not one that is easy to answer. This type of binary thinking does not allow us to keep our minds open and our efforts to understand stop. Divorce is not good or bad. It really depends on the family and their situation. Now, I have parents who are happily married, so I do not understand a lot about divorce. But I do know that if the event is not handled properly, the stresses and trauma of the event can significantly impact all family members. Divorce should be used as a last resort. Clear communication between spouses is also vital in the event of divorce. Ensuring that your children understand that they are still loved and cherished as well as assuring them that it is not their fault is something that can be easily overlooked.

            Remarriage can also be a difficult situation for the family. Data shows that divorce is more likely in second marriages than first marriages. Additionally, children may be confused and stressed about this new person who is in their lives. It is important for the new parent to step up and show genuine care for their new children. However, the concept of discipline is difficult. Is it more appropriate for the new parent to allow the original parent to handle discipline, or do they need to step into the disciplining role? The safest option is to communicate with your new spouse. Let them know what you think, and they will in turn share which option they would feel more comfortable with.

            This communication is vital in the time of remarriage. Communication between spouses, children, and other family members can be the making or breaking point. It is so important for each spouse to be aware of the feelings and thoughts of the other, and if proper communication is achieved, the marriage bond can become stronger because of it. Additionally, allowing your children to have a voice and explain their own feelings and thoughts is important. Doing this shows that the child does have a place in this new marriage, that they are a valued family member, and that you and your spouse care for the child’s feelings. This clear communication between family members helps support the new relationships, clears any confusion that may be present, and allows for the process of remarriage to go smoother than if communication was not accomplished.

            After this week, I will be treating this blog a little differently. I plan to take a more personal view of autism in family, as I feel that these topics are often difficult to relate to autism. I will be sharing more personal experiences and stories in my family and our adventure in having a loved-one with Autism.