Parenting

One of the most significant and scariest events in a couple’s live could be the process of becoming parents. As a young parent, there can be a lot of nerves, fear, and uncertainty. Now, as a 19-year-old college student, I have no experience being a parent. But I have found some helpful tips and ideas to follow that can ensure that communication between you and your child is clear, and bonds can remain strong, healthy, and trustful.

              The first important thing to evaluate as a new parent or someone who plans on/is about to be a parent is the following question: What is my purpose as a parent? The answer to this question can be different for everyone, but here are a few good examples, to provide a safe environment to positively impact my child’s development as well as their growth and learning; to protect and prepare my children to survive and thrive in the world in which they may live. This last example is one thought up by Michael Popkin, the founder and president of Active Parenting Publishers. It is important to have this purpose and remember it so that in every action as a parent, you are achieving the things that you want to, and are supporting your child in the ways that you want to.

              Another important thing to remember as a parent, is that often, a child acts out or misbehaves for an underlying, mostly unseen, or unnoticed reason. For example, a child who does net receive enough meaningful contact with their parent will resort to Undue Contact/Attention Seeking. This simply means that the child will act out in wild and confusing ways in order to gain the contact and attention that they want. To quote John Grover, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need because what you don’t need will never satisfy you”. To elaborate, the child will continue to act out in louder and more crazy ways until they receive the positive contact and attention that they need. To support your children who feel that they do not receive enough attention, it is important to spend meaningful time with them, and initiate contact like hugs, high fives, and other things.

              Often, young children will want to help their parents with things that they simply should not help with. As children grow, it is vital for parents to allow their children to contribute to the family in simple, appropriate ways. For example, a young child simply cannot properly crack eggs for baking or cooking. Instead, you could redirect your child to measuring out ingredients like flour or sugar.  Allowing your child to contribute creates a view for the child that they are loved, needed, and a valuable part of the family. Additionally, allowing the child to contribute while they are young increases the likelihood that they will continue to help out and contribute as they grow into young adults.

              One of the most common difficulties a parent will face is their child making poor decisions. As a parent, you often know and understand a lot more than your children, and it is difficult to not prevent them from making mistakes. However, at some points, it is important to step back and allow your child to make mistakes so that they may learn. You should not step back if the following things are happening; When your child could get hurt, not when someone else may get hurt, and not when consequences are too far in the future to teach a lesson effectively. An example of this last one would be letting your child skip classes for the consequence that they would have more difficulty finding a job or applying to college. If the consequences of your child’s decision is a significant amount in the future, you should step in and try to show your child the consequences and problems they may face in the present.

              Overall, being a parent can be very difficult, but as long as you are patient with your child and provide them with their needs, you will be successful.